Monday, June 24, 2013

oh motherhood

2 Months and 3 weeks.....

When you break it down like that it feels like such a short time that I have been a mom. But when you are living it out day to day, it feels like forever, like I have always had this little girl in my arms and in my heart.
She brings me so much joy and happiness everyday but also a new case of worries and a protectiveness that I have never felt before. That phrase "mama bear" really does apply to me, in a "if any one even thinks about hurting her, they wont want to know what is going to happen to them" I feel like the mob some days "don't mess with my family" !

We have been dealing with a milk allergy (which was just diagnosed 4 days ago but she has had for 2 months) and also acid reflux. Those combined, equal horrible feedings 7 times a day.  She has had many weird symptoms that should have led to us (and by us I mean the doc) to this conclusion months ago, but when you are watching your little one scream and arch their back and turn red at every feeding you know something is just not right and sent me looking for a new pediatrician. We are now on a non cow milk formula, with the protein already broken down to help her tummy, I thought formula was expensive 4 days ago now I KNOW it is, our little can cost us 8 dollars more and we get less... but no matter what the cost I am so thankful we are on the right road now and hopefully in a few days or weeks I will have a happy little  (almost) 3 month old who enjoys eating !

Some days motherhood is easy, those are the days she does great on her schedule, sleeps through the night, good naps and happy play times (I feel like super mom soaring high, high fiving myself for hard work paid off) other days are hard, and feel like a huge failure and that nothing I am doing is working, I cant remember if I  have washed my hair in the last couple days, or drank 3 cups of coffee and still feel tired and huge I mean HUGE dark circles under my eyes. But its on those days at our last feeding of the night about 10:45pm that I sneak into her room and turn on the dimmer light to low, and I look at her sleeping in her big crib.  Her cute little nose, and  cubby cheeks and  her blond eyelashes that cast a shadow over her face, that I remember "this is perfect, this is messy motherhood that is constantly changing and challenging, and I choose this and I wouldn't change or trade it for a full nights sleep, or an easy run to the store alone. I do not want to go back to the way it was before, that even in the most difficult day or night we may have, she is my little mini me, and she giggles at me and looks at me like I am her world. And I know that she is getting bigger and going to discover everything around her and I get to teach her and help her become this amazing person"  And my heart is happy and full as I pick her up and kiss her little ducky lips . What an amazing journey this "motherhood" thing is!

I cant put a post up without posting too many pictures of the cutest baby around:

                                                       My big girl, learning to hold her head up

 Reagans big day. She got dedicated
 My 3 best friends. On a run in downtown Portland
 Reagan watching Uncle Jeff Play College Baseball
 Celebrating our first Fathers day!!!
 My beautiful sister and I at Reagans dedication
 Love her!!
 Loving the outdoors
 My 80's baby!!!
11 pounds of cuteness right here!!
Dear Reagan.
you have been on the outside for almost 12 weeks, you have grown 4 pounds,  and a couple inches, you have enriched my life everyday thus far. I know life with you will be filled with lots of happiness and excitement.
 I am so thankful for you and your beautiful smile and big blue eyes. your daddy and I love you so much! We take WAY too many pictures and videos of you, and post it all over social media and send them to our family and friends (bless their hearts) we think you are pretty awesome and the best baby around!!! you learned how to giggle at week 10 1/2 its the best ever!! You love to sit up like a big girl and grunt and talk and eat both fits at the same time!!