Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Three weeks with my baby

As we embark on week three with our little baby Roo (like a kangaroo she folds herself in half every chance she gets, legs cross cross apple sauce on her belly!! ) I am grateful for a healthy, happy, smiley baby ! She is just perfect for us and I couldn't imagine my life with out her! But let's chat about breast feeding!!!!
You go in with no worries with no little voice saying you will fail at it because its natural , your body knows what to do and produce and woman since the beginning of time have been feeding their babies this way! But then you have a baby who is loosing weight and won't sleep and is constant rooting trying to find more milk, and all the "it comes naturally" goes out the window and panic sets in. So we went to a lactation specialist actually 3 times now to help and between her back sucking habits and lazy eating (like a lot of newborns) my milk supply is low, too low!! She is getting about half of a feeding to as little as a quarter of feeding from me and we are having to supplement formula for the rest! It's heart breaking to realize that something that is so wonderful and natural and FREE (let's face it formula so soooo expensive like there goes her college fund expensive ) is something I can't give her! I am on the 2 all natural herbs that have helped a little in my milk supply but not enough and now have gone on a prescription to see if that will help and so far it's not! So it has left me with this... She will get as much as I can pump and the rest from formula until I my milk is gone. Sitting in the lactation room hearing that after 15 min of breast feeding she got 3 measly ML and that all the stuff I am doing and trying is not paying off leads a very tired mom to tears.
I have never been a mom so when I say this please keep that in perspective and I know in the long run this will be a small issue but right now it's not a small issue and is sad and depressing and a huge disappointment for me. I always imagined breast feeding and bonding that way with my daughter and that small dream is fading . And at 4 in the morning pumping is not appealing when you are hardly making anything . :( and then my amazing and rock solid husband steps in and comforts me and helps.

On a lighter happier side I have the cutest kid ever and am so in love with her and we will be posting "what we wore" coming up on the blog, she got some pretty cute clothes !
Happy Tuesday

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Reagan Paisley.

A birth Story.

For 39 weeks and 3 days I got the privilege of housing this special little girl in my belly. It was not always easy, not always fun, actually the last few weeks were down right miserable. between the false labor, extreme pressure, feeling like a hunch back with so much pain I could barley stand up, to wondering "is this the day?"
But on Thursday April 4th, Husband and I went on our nightly walk (let me fill you in on our routine....I would walk 2- 2 1/2 miles every morning and then as soon as the husband walked in I would make ask him to walk again... this time 3 to 3 1/2 miles so lets just say I was walking a lot, I was determined to help this baby out. I put in some 90+ miles this last month ) This time we were walking at a snails pace and that's when it happened i  started to pee my pants then I though well maybe my water broke?! the ultimate question for someone who has never experienced water breaking before. The husband and I laughed and continued on, it wasn't like a gush or entire body of water coming out just enough to notice and be totally weirded out and chalk it up to another "Joy" of pregnancy - urination. We came home i felt some false contractions and felt a little funny but nothing worth noting at the time.
The night my water broke we ran into my dad and snapped this picture!

 Friday Morning came... I went and served coffee at the shop, then headed up to target to waste time before my yet, one more growth ultrasound for baby love. While waiting in line to pay, the same thing happened on Thursday night, I stood there with wet pants, not sure what to do....do I leave my purchases on the conveyor belt? do I just stand there and wait? do i tell the 20 something man who is ringing up the lady in front of me to "hurry up my water broke or i peed my pants and need to check" ??? I mean what in the world is a girl to do....thank goodness it was not a "CLEAN UP ON ISLE 3" situation but still standing in line with wet pants...not cool, not cool. I ultimately decided to wait, i mean i had cute gladiator sandals and a dress for baby, and some much needed makeup I was not going to leave behind. I stayed calm and cool and just kindly asked the very slow checker (prob not slow but i was freaking out) to leave the hangers on . I ran to the car threw the stuff in, decided I cant wear wet pants and went into Nordstrom rack (ya I know!!!! I was freaking out remember) grabbed a maxi dress, paid, left, changed in the car, where i preceded to have more gushing....I text my husband as i turned the air conditioner up to full blast.
"Either I peed my pants pretty good in target or my water broke....lol so weird"

My maxi dress purchase , going to the hospital!!!

I ended up heading to my midwife apt early and got checked and sure enough I heard "your water broke" I began to cry with relief 1. that its finally time and 2 that i didn't pee my pants in target!!!
because my water did break Thursday night they sent me straight over to labor and delivery,
(but let me have an hour to run home and grab my stuff and head back) where husband meet me and my sister and we walked the halls for a few hours to help start my irregular contractions. After trying to have my body start labor on its own after 4 hours ish they wanted to start me on pitocin to help get my body going. Then we walked and walked and the contractions came and got stronger, we switched to the birthing ball, my family started to arrive and the husbands parents made it from Ontario !! my contractions really kicked in and started to be every Minute and no rest for the weary set in. They checked to see my progress and that was the saddest moment, I came in at 12:30 at 2cm and now at 9pm on pitocin and contracting every min i was only at a 3!!!!!! devastated and worn out from no breaks between contractions i asked for some meds, they gave me some and I finally had a rest that was about 5 min then one more then we were back to every min. :( i asked to be checked again, and when the the nurse says "are you sure you want to know?!" you know that's a bad sign....i was only at 4cm...and if I was going to continue to do it natural I could only have one more shot of that med. it was 10:30pm almost 12 hours of being in there I couldn't take it anymore and asked for my epidural. i was a little sad that my plan to do it naturally went out the window, but I was so tired i don't think i could have pushed her out later on the next morning had I not chosen the epidural. Everything went great with that and 10 mins later i looked up and smiled at my husband and started talking again (that's how everyone knew I was feeling good) we slept on and off from about midnight to 4 am Saturday morning. Feeling a lot of pressure, they checked me and I was at an 8!!! we were almost 24 hours into this (more if you count my pre labor at home Thursday night) i wasn't freaked out anymore i was ready to meet this little girl, I had this moment in the room where the husband was dozed off for only 30min and i was alone and i just thought about what was about to happen and i was ready, I knew that all my prayers had been heard and that a mirical was about to take place. A peace that i have never known came over me.
At 6am they started to transform the room into delivery mode,  andbhad me do a few practice pushes. My midwife was not scheduled to work until 7am but I knew i wouldn't make it to see her, this baby was coming and i was okay with the midwife I had there. I pushed on and off for about 10 min and as I was resting I heard the curtain fly open and i open my eyes and my midwife Lauren came flying in the room, throwing her hair in a pony tail getting her gloves on and saying "I am here!! lets do this" it was a moment that is ingrained my brain and I was so happy to have her. t(he back story is the midwife that was working had Text Lauren letting her know there were 4 delivering moms and that she would love this one mom who would deliver last, that I was sweet and nice and cute. Lauren just said she knew it was me and left for work early to get to deliver my baby)

At 7:14 I gave birth to my beautiful Reagan Paisley weighing in at 6'11 ounces 19 3/4 inches long with lots of hair. The entire birth story is amazing, the husband and i just talked about how even though it was painful and crazy moments of unknown it was exactly what we wanted and loved it and totally would do it again!

She is the daughter I never knew that I always wanted. She is my daughter, my baby love, my little family. Watching Thomas hold his daughter has showed me more love and i have fallen more in love with him then ever, he is an amazing dad and loves her so much.
We are learning our routine and figuring out feedings and sleeping and bonding and loving every second. Even when i get 2 hours of sleep I see her sweet cheeks and it doesn't matter any more. This time we never get back, its such a short time, and i know I will blink and she will be older and i will be missing these days, so I am soaking it all in, smelling her perfect smell, her baby blue eyes, her little feet, her long fingers, her smiles, her pouting faces, coos and cries.....loving EVERY minute of it.

 My girl crew
 Doc Lauren!!
 Melts my heart
My baby sister seeing her niece.
First headband (of many to come) made by Auntie Nollie
 First Family picture

They have my entire heart!

My life will never be the same, and everyday I am so grateful that the Lord gave me the opportunity to be her mom and to be his wife. The love and out pour from our family and friends has been so amazing and overwhelmingly awesome.
Thank you for sitting through this very long post and me gushing over my baby. . . my baby...so crazy awesome to say!